So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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