Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize