We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want nice things and good sex
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
