I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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