Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
