Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
