i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
