Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
