Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
