God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
