just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
