i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
