I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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