She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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