my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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