this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
