i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
