I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
