all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
