it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
