as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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