you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize