The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
