I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
