Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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