you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
