porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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