I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
