We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
