Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
