Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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