Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
