at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is the high leading the old right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
