Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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