And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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