Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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