it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
