So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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