OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
