..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My ass is underappreciated
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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