Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
