it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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