I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
