Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
