Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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