Do vagina's smell?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize