I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
