Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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