Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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