i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
