I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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