Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
In America we eat man semen.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize