dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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