What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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