How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
