what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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