WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
