I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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