i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want her autograph on my taint
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
