I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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