if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
