Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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