thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
