Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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