I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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