we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
