I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
