im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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