Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
