Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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