Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
