I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
