i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
