i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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