Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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