While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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