Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
