Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
