Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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