So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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