My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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