I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm always down for nudity.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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