I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
