I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
