i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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