Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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