i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
