I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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