How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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