RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
