Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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