I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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