remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
