I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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