the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
