it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He shit in the fireplace
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
