Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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