that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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