Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
