Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
