Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
