he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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